Brooks tells Culver students the key to happiness is connecting with others

The best-selling author of the book “How to Know a Person” told Culver Academies students the way to find happiness is to become less self-centered and to connect with others.

David Brooks, who also is a New York Times columnist and PBS NewsHour commentator, told the students on Monday that it is particularly hard for adolescents because they are struggling to determine who they are.

“One of the best things about aging is that you learn to get out of your own way,” he said. “You learn that it doesn’t matter what people think about you, because they’re not thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves.”

Brooks, who was at Eppley Auditorium on Monday as part of the Class of 1962 Student Enrichment Series, spoke in support of the school’s message this year of E Pluribus Unum, a Latin expression that means “Out of Many, One.” The goal is to encourage civil discourse.

The program is a yearlong effort to inspire instructors and staff to talk with students about contentious issues, such as politics, and to teach them to listen respectfully to others with differing viewpoints.

Brooks told students that when he’s on an airplane and there’s an hour to go in the flight, he takes off his headphones and tries to talk to the person sitting next to him.

“Not more than an hour. People aren’t that interesting,” he joked.

He said the key to getting to know someone is asking questions. He gave some examples: “What was the high point of your life?” “What was the low point?” “What was the turning point?”

He said as a journalist he’s frequently asked people to tell him their life stories and he’s never had anyone refuse.

“People love to talk about what they’re proud of,” Brooks said.

 

 

Emma Butcher ’25, one of the emcees for the event, told Brooks that Culver believes academics and culture are essential to the curriculum, but what’s his message to people who put academics over character development?

“There’s no GPA in life and there’s no correlation between how you do in school and how you do in life,” Brooks said.

He said in school it’s mostly about working by yourself. In life it’s about working in teams.

“A lot of life is like navigating. Which direction do I want to head in? How fast do I want to go? Do I need to be cautious, or do I need to attack? These are navigation skills that are hard to teach in a classroom,” Brooks said.

Brooks said character and ambition are two important factors.

“Figuring out what is worth wanting, that is one of the super important questions. Because society is going to tell you what it wants you to want, Brooks said.

Emcee Jayden Gilley ’25 said he didn’t see the word leadership mentioned in Brooks’ book. Gilley asked Brooks what is the most critical lesson future leaders could take from his book and apply it.

Brooks said he believes the word “leadership” could be used as “a stand-in for moral character.” He said he would recommend building a “moral ecology around you.”

Brooks told the students how he worked for a decade with PBS “NewsHour” anchor Jim Lehrer, who set the standard for those who worked on the program.

“When I would say something on the air that he felt was intelligent, or helpful, I could see his eyes crinkle with pleasure. When I said something that was crass or stupid, I could see his mouth turn down with displeasure,” Brooks said. “He never told me how to do my job. I just spent 10 years chasing the eye crinkles and avoiding the mouth downturns. With those subtle gestures he said, ‘This is how we do things at the “NewsHour.” These are our standards.’ ”

 

Lehrer died five years ago, but people wh0 work on “NewsHour” still do things to Lehrer’s standards, Brooks said.

“What gets noticed is the small little gestures,” Brooks said.  

Gilley asked Brooks how leaders at the school can balance understanding their peers on a personal level with maintaining authority and professionalism within our leadership positions.

Brooks said it is difficult because most people aren’t going to be friends with their bosses.

“You can’t be buddy-buddy with someone you’re in command of,” Brooks said.

He said the key for a leader is creating a space “where people want to follow you.

“It’s also about creating a space where people feel at home,” he said.

Before speaking at Eppley, Brooks spoke to a select group of Culver instructors and student leaders in the Heritage Room in the Legion Memorial Building.

Brooks also told the group not to put so much emphasis on where a student is going to attend college.

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t know where any of the people I work with went to college or if they went to college,” he said.

He also said the important thing is to over-invest in friendships.

“Because believe me, your 20s are going to suck. Bad bosses, bad jobs. Breakups. You’re going to feel lost. You need your friends. So over-invest in friendships,” he said.